


Reflections

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, All of the Avengers are there but they aren't actually major characters, And everyone's a little out of character, And it's really just some platonic fluff, Angst, Gen, The reader's gender is never specified, i guess?, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 13:46:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4307397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When S.H.I.E.L.D. gave you an assignment in Avengers Tower, you thought it would be pretty simple: keep Loki out of trouble while he's on Earth. You had expected him to make your job difficult, but you hadn't expected the Avengers to make it worse. You really should talk to Thor about bringing his alien booze to parties.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so this is the obligatory "first fic I've actually posted" warning. I submitted it to imagine-loki over on Tumblr a few months back but I finally worked up the courage to post it here. I hope you like it.

He was always impossible to read. Even now he was determined to isolate himself, staring stoically at the countless buildings visible only by their twinkling lights in the cold night. He had declined any offer and invitation extended by the others, yourself included. You weren't very interested in the present gathering at Avengers Tower. You had moved in when Loki returned to Earth with his brother, exiled from his own realm and sentenced to recompense his actions in the mortal world. S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn't keen on his running around with the Avengers without a keeper, so they had given you the task of keeping him out of trouble and making sure the rest of the Avengers weren't too uncouth. It was difficult work on the best of days.

Tonight was not one of the best days.

You watched your charge with more interest than you had shown the Avengers throughout the evening. The prince was complacent at first, protesting whenever he had caught you surveying whatever he was doing. Over time, and only after realizing that you weren't going to stop, he simply opted to ignore you. So you tuned out the other Avengers and simply stared for a bit, wondering what could possibly be going on inside Loki's mind.

"Earth to Agent (y/l/n)!" You were jarred from your thoughts by one Tony Stark, who was openly laughing while the rest of the present company chuckled. "Finding something you like? You've been staring for a solid five minutes."

"It's my job--" you started to protest, cut off by the billionaire, who waved a now empty glass in your general direction.

"Right, of course. There's all sorts of better looking options available, that was completely uncalled for. My mistake." You pursed your lips, trying to keep your composure. You glanced back at Loki, who seemed to have not even noticed. He was still staring out at the city, face as void of any emotion as before. Thor had told you that Loki was good at that kind of thing. You believed it, but it only made you more curious about the prince.

"I hope you aren't talking about yourself," Rhodey quipped from the sofa next to Tony.

"Hey, I'm better looking than most of you!"

"Most?" Natasha asked, interest finally piqued by Stark's antics.

"Well, I wouldn't dare insult you two," Tony gestured to Natasha and yourself. "Either one of you could kill me in five seconds flat." That earned a good round of laughter from the rest of the Avengers. You glanced over at Loki again, only to see that once again, absolutely nothing had changed. You worried for a moment that something had happened when you weren't watching, and that this was just one of his clones.

"But seriously, what makes you think you look so much better than the rest of us?" Steve challenged before you could think about it too much. Tony scoffed at the question, setting his glass on the end table and standing up.

"Well, you got a reason to believe otherwise? What order would you put us in? Best looking guys in the tower, and reasons."

Steve stammered for a minute before standing up as well and scanning the group. You glanced at Natasha with a worried expression. Whatever Thor had brought with him had gotten Steve drunk enough to go along with this, and it was starting to look like a cause for concern.

"Alright, well, I'm not going to deny it, you look decent. But I have to take first place, because I'm the super soldier, and who doesn't love a clean-cut guy in uniform? I'll give you a close second, though," Steve conceded. He proceeded down the list of every guy in the tower, eventually mentioning the one person that nobody expected him to include. "I guess that leaves Loki for last. I mean, he's alright, but... I don't know. Nothing special." You tensed up in your seat, mentally preparing for countless ways that the man in question might retaliate, but he was only rolling his eyes when you looked his way. Laughter echoed around you and someone agreed, but you weren't paying enough attention to register who.

"Alright, after that ridiculous evaluation, I have some changes to make," Tony gasped, still reeling with uncontrolled giggles while everyone else quieted down. "I'm sure there are some people who like your look, but most of them were probably alive before you went into the ice. Wake up man, it's the 21st century! I have so got you beat there." He continued to critique Steve's list, finding something wrong with almost everything he had said save for one. "But I'll agree on your last choice, not much room for debate there." More drunken laughter filled the room and you sighed. What you wouldn't give for a drink yourself, but your entire job hinged on making sure one of the most elusive criminals on the planet stayed put.

You were a bit concerned when Loki was staring a bit more intently out the window, focus on something evident on his face. You didn't even want to think about what he might be planning. When he abruptly stood up to leave, offering a clipped explanation, you decided to do the same.

"Oh come on, (y/n), you can't go yet!" Multiple protests accompanied your attempts to leave.

"I only stayed out here because I have to keep an eye on Loki. He's going to bed, so I am too. Don't stay up too late," you sighed, massaging your temples while the rest of the group begrudgingly wished you a good night. You walked down the hall towards the elevator that would take you to the residential floors of the tower. When you got there, you found Loki still waiting. He looked thoughtful, staring at the reflection in the metallic doors. He had to have seen you approach, but he made no acknowledgement that he knew you were even there.

"Someone's been pretty quiet," you remarked, trying to break the silence as the bright red number above the elevator climbed painfully slowly towards your floor. "I'm a bit concerned that you're planning something right under my nose."

"Even I have to admit that you're sharper than you give yourself credit for, Agent. No plans, and no need to concern yourself."

The elevator opened and you both stepped inside. You pressed the button for your floor and the two of you stood in silence for the rest of the ride. Loki wouldn't even comment on your rather obvious staring. He just stared straight ahead, artfully ignoring you. When the doors finally opened again, he was quick to leave you behind on his way to his room. You unlocked yours, right next door to his, and sighed at the amount of paperwork this would take. S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted updates on everything about him, every day if you could muster up enough material. And the fact that you couldn't read Loki to save your life right now was sure to upset the administration. You couldn't even hope to connect these dots into a coherent report.

You decided to call it a night after reaching absolutely no viable conclusions, politely asking JARVIS to close the automated shades on your windows and stumbling through your nightly routine.

 

\---------

 

The next week passed without incident, mostly due to the fact that half of the Avengers had gotten too drunk to remember that night. The others never brought up, but whether it was out of tact or embarrassment because of what had happened remained a mystery to you. You had no desire to figure it out either. You were preoccupied with your increasingly reclusive prince. You hadn't said anything specifically regarding that night, but whenever you did try to start a conversation, he would do anything from snap at you to flat out ignore you. He avoided eye contact if at all possible.  It was getting harder for you to keep an eye on him anymore. He only came out of his room for a couple hours to assure you that he wasn't doing anything. Any attempt to find out why was proving fruitless. Finally you had enough.

Tony had given you two room keys: one of your own and a copy of Loki's just in case. Loki and you had reached a silent agreement almost immediately that you wouldn't use the latter except for emergencies. Now you had decided that this qualified.

It was like a mirror image of your own living quarters, more of a small apartment than anything. It was completely silent, and everything seemed to be in pristine condition. You had expected as much. Loki had a tendency to hide away in different spots in the tower, and never somewhere so obvious as here. But lately he had taken to staying somewhere with a lock. This was probably the most time he had actually spent in here since he arrived.

"Loki? It's Agent (y/l/n). I'm just making sure you're okay." When you didn't get a response, you surveyed the room for any place the trickster might be hiding. It was a fairly open layout. The floor plan was simple. You knew it well enough, and there was only one way to go. The door to the bedroom was slightly ajar, so you took the liberty of checking to see if he was there.

"I thought we had something of an understanding," Loki sighed when you walked in. He was laying on his bed, staring out the window and still refusing to look at you when he spoke.

"That was conditional, assuming you behaved. I'm just checking on you. If you'll actually talk to me, I can leave you alone."

"What is there to talk about? Does it look like I'm doing anything?" You could see him glaring from the reflection in the windows on the far wall. "First you watch me nonstop to make sure I'm not up to anything, and now I can't even while away eternity in peace, doing absolutely nothing, just like you wanted."

You studied what you could see of his face, failing to find the fire behind his expression that had been commonplace when you had first met.

"Something is bothering you," you commented.

"I wonder what that could be," he sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes.

"No, something else." You met his reflection's eyes and added, "I'll be the first to admit that I've never been able to read you. What changed?"

Instead of the snappy retort you expected, he sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

"It's superficial and pointless. You wouldn't care."

"Loki, you're not fooling anyone. I'm worried about you. Please, tell me what's wrong."

The two of you remained silent while his thoughts ran rampant across his face: uncertainty, annoyance, but most of all, consideration. You waited patiently for him to speak, seconds dragging on like hours as you anticipated the worst.

"...I was wrong about something important." Again, he looked away from you, and you could see pain taking its place as his dominant emotion. "I'm just figuring some things out."

You took a couple steps closer, watching his reflection. "Was it what they said?" You could tell from the look he gave your own reflection that you were on to something. "I'm here to listen if talking would help."

"Why do you care? It's no secret that none of them want me here. The only reason I am here is because Thor wouldn't let them throw me back in prison. We all know it would be easier." He sat up, glaring at your reflection. He was getting close to hyperventilating, and his knuckles were turning white from how hard he was clenching his fists. "You're only here because S.H.I.E.L.D. told you to be. You'll just go write up this whole thing and send it right in. Why do you care about what it was? Now you know how pathetic I am, just go write your report and make it official!"

"Loki..." He flinched at your voice, but he was starting to compose himself again. He had fixed your reflection with a look of pure loathing, and he refused to look at you when you asked.

"Just go away," he seethed, looking away from the window, determined to not give you any form of satisfaction.

"They were wrong," you assured him, practically pleading for him to listen.

"I said go away!" he screamed in response, looking at you for the first time in days.

"Okay," you let out a strangled squeak and took a few steps back. "Okay, I'm going. I'll... I'll be next door." You turned and left, practically running back to your own apartment.  You had to brace yourself against the door once it had closed behind you. Only when JARVIS gently asked if you needed assistance did you notice how ragged your breathing was, how your heart was beating a mile a minute, and how you couldn't help but double check to make sure your door was locked. You stammered out an answer, weakly stating that you were fine, just a bit shaken and that you just needed to rest. You shuffled to your own bedroom, pitch black in the middle of the day, and quickly crawled under the blankets on your bed. You couldn't sleep, but you didn't think you could muster the composure to do much of anything else. A quiet ticking filled the room while you lay curled up with too much on your mind and too little sense being made of it.

 

\---------

 

You didn't remember actually falling asleep, but JARVIS was soon quietly informing you that you had a visitor. Your head felt foggy and you barely understood what that even meant. It took you a moment to orient yourself.

"Thanks," you muttered, rubbing your eyes and shaking your head in a futile attempt to wake up. It took you a few minutes to make your way out of your bedroom to the front door of your apartment. By the time you got there, you almost hoped that whoever it was had left.

You opened the door a bit, barely suppressing a yawn before you could get a good look at the man standing in the hallway. You quickly apologized when your brain finally registered it.

"No, I need to apologize. I... I shouldn't have yelled. You were just trying to help..." Loki was wringing his hands, avoiding your gaze again. "I... I just came to tell you that I... I'm sorry if I frightened you. I understand if you... If you want to leave."

You blinked a few times before inviting him inside, waving vaguely at the sofa and small coffee table that served as your living room. You went into the kitchenette, meeting him a few minutes later with two steaming mugs of the first tea you had grabbed. You set one down in front of him, noting how he flinched away from it.

"I'm not going to ask them to assign someone else to watch you," you told him. "But if it would make any difference to you, I could ask them to let you come back to my old place with me."

He watched you curiously while you took a sip from your mug. "You're not... You aren't angry?"

"No, I'm just worried about you. I want to help." You sighed, biting your lip while deciding how to proceed. "I just don't know how."

Loki looked back down at where his hands were fidgeting in his lap. "I told you I was wrong about something." He was barely muttering, and you had to strain to make out what he was saying. "I wasn't under any illusion that they were going to be very welcoming. I know what I did. I don't know, I just... I know I'm a monster, but... It was easier to manage if I associated it with..." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You've read my file. I'm sure Thor told you all about me. I've told myself all of that every day since I found out. It made it easier to act like I wasn't..." He glanced up at you, almost like he was asking for permission to continue.

"You're not a monster, Loki," you tried to comfort him, but he cut you off before you could continue.

"Don't, Agent. I can't deny what I did, what I am." He sighed, shaking his head. "It just gets easier to deal with if I maintain that separation, and all that much harder when something happens to remind me that they're one and the same." He stood up then, glancing around the room but never at you. "I'm sorry, it's getting late, I don't want to bother you any longer." He thanked you for listening and started to leave before you stopped him.

"But you're fixing it. That's the whole reason you're here. A monster wouldn't care what damage they caused, and they definitely wouldn't apologize for it. That's not what I see in you." You stood as well and looked up at him. "I'll send in the paperwork tomorrow. I've got a place across town. S.H.I.E.L.D. wants me to keep an eye on you and I can do that from anywhere."

He studied you, emerald eyes locked on yours while he considered your words.

"...you'd do that for me?" You gingerly offered him a hug, wrapping your arms around his waist when he accepted.

"Of course."

 

 

 


End file.
